Joke Jokes

So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.

It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.

He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."

But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"

Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."

Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"

(Santa winks at you)

My cock, lmao.

Why did an Indian cross the road?

To take a shit.

What's that useless skin around the vagina and the boobies?

The women.

Why don't Amish people water ski?

Because their horses would drown.

How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?

Ten-tickles!

Your hairline pushed too far back.

Lookin' like it got slapped up by Will Smith :D

My black friend turned off the lights and suddenly disappeared.

A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.

What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?

A: Garry Glitter's boots.

Why can't toilet paper cross the road? Because the toilet paper got stuck in a crack. 🤣🤣🤣

Dark humor is like cancer, it's funnier when children get it.

What does an Asian doorbell sound like?

"Wing wong wung wang, wong wang wing wong!"

Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.

Friend: I don't know.

Me: A black market.

What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?

Suicide squad.

What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.

Hey guys, today's funniest prank: is when I poured a bunch of red wine into the chicken salad...to be honest, it was a TON of wine I poured in there! My family could not tell the difference at all! Anyway, bye, that's the prankster! Next time or see you next time!