Joke jokes

If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is just a watermelon.

Why did the baby cross the road?

Because it was stapled to the chicken.

The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.

Lynx, where the fuck are you? This is Dagger Jr. (Proof in comments).

What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?

A seizure salad.

What do you call a flat-chested emo?

A cutting board.

After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?

My penis.

How do you lift a depressed person up?

No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.

I'd make an emo joke, but that would be cutting a little too close.

Guy: Michael Jackson wasn’t in ancient times!

Me: hee hee egypt.

Joke: Genders are much like the twin towers. They used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.

What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?

A baked potato.

For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"

They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

You can sink the Titanic like you can drive a bike. Not a joke.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

Do you need an ark?

Because I Noah guy!

I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel grate!

I mean I'd tell you a joke about the pizza I ate, but it's just too cheesy.