Joke jokes
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
Why did Annie fall from the swing?
Because she had no hands.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Annie.
What did the orphan say to the parent?
Oh, wait!
Actually, it isn't a bear joke, but bear with me here...
This guy is boiling water. The girl walks in and says, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m making Holy Water.” She said, “How?” He said, “I’m boiling the hell out of it.”
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the retard's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She didn't have any arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
A dark joke is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.
I AM SO SORRY!
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.
Did you SEA what I did there?
GUY: Yes
Are you SHORE?
What is it called when a bull lies about other bulls?
Bullying.
What do you call a pool full of handicapped people?
Vegetable soup.
Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.
Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!
Wait, what Billy?
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands. (This joke is good because it never gets old.)
What does a foreigner say when he comes to America?
I don't know, I don't speak foreignish...
What's long, brown, and sticky?
A stick.
What word starts with M and ends in RAGE? Miscarriage.
That joke never gets old... but neither does the baby...;)
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims because they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds. 😂