Joke jokes

What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

What did the skeleton say before dinner? "Bone appetit." His whole family found that humerus.

I would roast you, but your mirror does it every time you look into it.

What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?

A frog in a blender.

What's worse than five dead babies in one garbage can?

- One dead baby in five garbage cans.

Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"

How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?

Wave.

What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?

"I'd hit that."

What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?

Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.

9/11 jokes aren't funny. They are just plane wrong.

What's red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.

A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.

It was a shih tzu.

A cobra once bit Chuck Norris. After hours of agonising pain... it died.

I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."

A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"

This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.

So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"

The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."

So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."

When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"

The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?

An orphan.

What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.