Joke jokes
Yo man, stand up.
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up!
What did the kangaroo say to the elephant? Hi up there!
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Dishes."
"Dishes who?"
"Dishes a bad joke."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
What do you do with a dead scientist?
You barium.
Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.
Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock?
So he could wake up inside.
What did the blind kid say after touching the emo kid’s hand?
“I ain’t reading all that.”
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.
I’m a faux pa.
What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?
Sells the wheelchair.
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.