Joke jokes

If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.

What do you call a rich Chinese man?

Cha-ching!

What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? 1 baby, nailed to 10 trees.

Why did the baker's hands smell of shit?

He kneaded a turd.

What do you call a selfie of an orphan?

A family photo.

What do you call an anorexic blond with a yeast infection?

... A quarter pounder with cheese.

Why can’t orphans play GTA and get five stars? Because they’re not wanted!

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

What's harder than steel? Michael Jackson at a playground.

What did the dad say to the kid?

Nothing, he went to get the milk.

Why didn't the orphan do the work?

Because when the teacher says they would call your mum or dad, there's nobody to call.

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

Your hairline's so far back, you need binoculars to see it.

The "F" in "Orphan" stands for "Famulu."

What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?

They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms.

What do you call a one-legged Asian?

Tie Won Shoo.

You know how 7 8 9? Why was ten scared? 'Cos he was in the middle of 9/11.

What happens when an emo kid tries to high-five you? You leave him hanging.

My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.