Joke jokes
When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.
When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.
What did the Arch bridge say to the Truss bridge?
"I Truss-ted you!"
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
What did the girl say to the white guy? “You have a peener wiener!”
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate nine.
Why couldn’t the midget talk?
Because someone stepped on him.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.
A single sentence walks into a bar.
Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."
What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?
A waist of your time.
A man bought a brand new iPhone but returned it, why?
The apple was already bitten.
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.
Some guy farts and says, "That was some asshole behind me."
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.