Joke jokes
To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?
A blind man is going for a walk. Eventually, he reaches a fish market.
He yells, "Hello ladies!"
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
Did you fall from heaven? Because you really did a damage on your face.
What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?
"Alcohol, you later!"
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
Hi, what's your name?
I don't know, I'm disabled.
You want a pizza from me!!!!
Why did the bird lay an egg on Stephen Hawkings?
Because he is Stephen HAWKings.
What did the boy say to the noose?
"Can you please tie me."
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What do you call a chill transgender?
Fictional.
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
Q. What do you get if you put hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. Hot cross bunnies!
Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?
Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.
Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?