Joke jokes
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food?
His shoulder.
I have some jokes about popcorn.
Nah, they're too corny.
What's bright red and screams when you shake it? A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
Why do only guys have fun? There's only the word "penis" in happiness.
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"
What do you call a person with an "a" in their autism?
What's Gru's favorite Beyoncé lyric? "Who run the world... Gorls."
Why do leaves change color in the fall?
Because they want to leaf their old color.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
What's green and sings?
Elvis Parsley!
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
How do you cook macaroni? With a shark-spoon-a-rooni!
What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?
WATCH OUT!!!
What was Osama's favourite food... yer nan?
My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."