I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.
I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras, but then I heard popping behind me!
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.
He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.
My ex got hit by a bus yesterday.i nearly lost my job
the toothbrush Says'' i have the worst job in the whole world''. the toilet paper behind him''yeah right''.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
- I work with animals - Great! What job? - A butcher
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.
Why do asses make terrible spies?
Because they always CRACK under pressure.
My Grandpa killed 30 Air Force pilots in WW2. He was a very bad mechanic.
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
Why did the rapper become a gardener?
Because he wanted to drop some ROOT RHYMES
Why did the rapper become a plumber?
Because he wanted to lay down some SICK PIPES!
Why did the rapper get a job at the bank?
Because he wanted to make some RAP DEPOSITS
Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.
The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"
If a master fisherman had a caddie, what would be the caddie's job title?
A master baiter.
I got fired for not doing enough work.
Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.
Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
Literally the most popular job: YouTube.
