Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback!
Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?
He got to cut himself.
What state do miners hate?
Oregon.
In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."
Why did the manager hire the marsupial?
Because he was koala-fied!
Guys to wind the clock up?
Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?
Because they always come out clean.
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.
Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.
Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.
My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.
At work: Hey guys, I'm gonna Arnold clock out now.
When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.
So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."
How do you make a hormone?
Don't pay her.
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?
IHOP.
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
An Investigator.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?
Snoozin' B. Anthony!
Are you fin-ished with your work?
