Job jokes
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS!
Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?
He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.
My Grandpa killed 30 Air Force pilots in WW2. He was a very bad mechanic.
Why did the booty get a job?
To make ends meet!
Why couldn't the booty be a conductor?
It couldn't stay on track.
What is the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when an abled-bodied gay male is receiving an anonymous blow job from a physically disabled gay male under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
Perverted is when an abled-bodied gay male has to give a Klondike Bar to a physically disabled gay male to receive an anonymous blow job under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
Why do asses make terrible spies?
Because they always CRACK under pressure.
What do you call a rapper who can’t rhyme?
Unemployed.
Why did the rapper get a job at the bank?
Because he wanted to make some rap deposits!