Job jokes
I blend children to make a good living.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
What's a psych ward worker's favorite incense?
Insurance fraud.
The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"
UGHHHHHHH TODAY WAS TERRIBLE! My wife got hit by a bus!!! And I lost my job as a bus driver!
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...
How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18-24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills? She would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA.
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
Disabled man stands up.
Blind man: “You can stand?”
Deaf man: “You can see?”
Mute man: “You can hear?”
Disabled man: “You can talk?”
Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”
Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”
My sister lost two things today:
1: Her virginity.
2: Her job at the zoo.
Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?
Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.
I lick poo for a living... You?
Why can’t orphans work at SC Johnson’s?
Because it’s a family company.
Do you know how to make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.
I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.
In the morning at 6:30 AM,
Teacher: Who fought in World War I?
Me: Trump & Biden.
Teacher: Oh ok... well good job class, see you tomorrow and study your books.
After school,
Teacher: Oh God those kids know nothing.
"She looks at her clock."
Teacher: And now I am sewed.
The toughest job I ever had was when I was selling doors, door-to-door.
Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.