Job jokes

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

It's gonna take a step stool to get a blow job.

I saw a kid crying today and asked them, "Where are your parents?"

God, I love working at an orphanage!

A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.

My ex died today.

I also lost my job as a butcher.

The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."

The students said, "Oof, that is sad."

The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"

The students said, "Your parents."

The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.

I saw a kid crying and I asked him, "Where are his parents?"

God, I love working at orphanages!

Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.

The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."

I saw a little kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage.

Donald Trump is getting all the perks of 2020. He got COVID and lost his job.

Once upon a time, there was a poor man, a middle-class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said, "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle-class man said, "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said, "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me."

And then the wall fell on them.

First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"

HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"

Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

What did an orange say the day before going to work?

"Back to the rind!"

Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?

I tried to hit G by putting D.

Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.

All then are bad.

What do you call sex in the World Trade Center?

An inside job.