Jesus jokes
Do you know why Jesus is so popular with the ladies??
Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this... 🤚--------🤪----------✋
God's consciousness: Art.
God's unconsciousness: Christianity.
So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.
What is Jesus' favorite gun?
A nail gun.
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.
Jesus got a revival
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Jesus.
Jesus who?
Jesus Christ, open the door!
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
Yo mama so old, she was Jesus' nanny! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Did Jesus cut his nails?
No! His nails cut through him.
Why is Jesus in pieces?
Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.
What did Mother Mary say when God farted? Jesus Christ, you stink!
"Cheesus" hates me, yeah, I know, 'cause he's a real douchelord fictional character.
Now you should let your imagination work... imagine naked Jesus with an erection... and nail holes in his hands...
Why does Satan worship himself?
Jesus told him to worship God.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
What does a Right-Winger say when he sees a rainbow above the sky?
"A colorful sky? That's too woke for me. Jesus and our ancestors would have never stood for this!"