it's jokes
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said "Damn!"
I lost all faith in humanity. I am moving to Uranus; it's really big. I might get lost.
How do you make holy water?
You take it to church ⛪️
Imperial Pilot: What do you think about the new Tie fighter?
Palpatine: Flew it.
Guess what Sally got for Christmas? Gloves! Jk, she still hasn't opened it.
Why is sex with pandas so much fun?
I don't know, it just is. 🐼
What did the beaver say when it hit the wall?
Dam!
A french fry was talking to a potato, but the potato didn't understand what he was saying.
It was because he didn't speak French.
How does water say hi?
It waves.
Stormtrooper: My lord, what should we do with all this beef?
Palpatine: Stew it.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You give it a little boogie.
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flying around about six inches above the water. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal."
There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal."
There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal."
There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal."
There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal."
Then it all happened.
The fly dropped six inches.
The fish came up and caught the fly.
The bear came out and caught the fish.
The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich.
The mouse went for the sandwich.
The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond.
The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.
So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
This is coming from an Indian btw and I find it very racist and it all stereotypes.
An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"
Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"
Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."
How bad is explosive diarrhea when a Muslim has it? Because my Chipotle blew up yesterday.
I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.
Son: Where's grandma?
Your forehead's so big, Jupiter's moons look up to it.
If you shined a light on it, it would reflect and be a star in the Andromeda galaxy.
Your forehead's so big, it's the main foundation for the wall of China.
Your forehead's so big, it makes up half of the Milky Way's mass.
Your forehead's the reason why the Earth still spins.