it's jokes

If you could add one zero to any number for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?

Your hairline is so far back, a pilot thought it was an airplane.

I wish the grass in my yard was emo. It could just cut itself.

How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.

Why did the computer catch cold?

It left a window open.

What did the earthquake say when it was done? Sorry, my fault!

Why did the computer go to bed?

It needed to crash.

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:

"F*ck off! You won’t bring it back."

We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?

“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”

It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I took a poo, and it smelt like you.

How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?

Tentacles!

I would like to make a Minecraft joke...

It would be too plain.

Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.

What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it's the "R," but it's really the "C."

9/11 wasn’t the date, it was the score.

I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.

Don’t you hate it when you are driving in a school zone and the speed bump starts screaming?

Why does an orphan commit a crime?

Because it wants to be wanted.

My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.

The librarian then asked me to take it out.