it's jokes

Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.

Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."

What's 9 divided by 11?

Well, I know it's less than two alright!

Yo mama so fat even Dora can't explore it.

I’m reading a book on antigravity right now.

It’s impossible to put down.

When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.

Question: How did the cat cross the river?

Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.

One day I had the munchies, so I ate a clock. It was very... time consuming.

A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"

Wanna hear a joke about measurement... never mind, it would take too long.

If you are on here, don’t hate. There will be rude ones, but it doesn’t matter.

Why do orphans get the small sized chip bags?

Because they don’t have a family to share it with. 😥

Want to hear a joke about a guy losing fingers?

Never mind, it’s too pointless.

What’s the difference a hooker an a drug dealer...?? A hooker can wash her crack an resell it.

Why did people bully the burning circuit?

It was too short.

How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!

I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."

I might have to back down on this because it is usually aimed for little children.

Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.