it's jokes
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
What does a dog do in a dresser?
It pants!
Eons it takes to Daveon the haters.
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.
I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!
I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.
It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️
Yo Mama is so dumb, she stares at a juice carton for an eternity because it says "Concentrate" on the box.
What's the difference between a female NCO and a zebra?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
Why didn't the oyster share its pearl?
Because it was a cunt.
Isn't it ironic that the actually nice people tend to be suicidal?
Think about it: suicide exists to make sure bad people bother each other instead.
Why did a Mexican go to Home Depot?
Because he thought it said "Home Deport."
It's a joke, not a dick. Don't take it so hard.
Life with depression is like a cheeseburger.
It's not good without the cheese.
Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
Stop with the emojis. They kinda just make the joke cringy. For example: How many ppl 🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷 does it take to have 🥒🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑???? Well, it takes at least 1 🤷 and 1 👰 and they make a perfect ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤. See how cringy it is. I mean sure, it's a dumb example, but still, just at least less emojis.
Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.
Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.
And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...
His neighbor asked Hodja,
"Do you have some forty-year-old vinegar?"
"I have," answered Hodja.
"Would you give me some? I need it to prepare a medication," said the man.
"No, I won't," replied Hodja. "If I had given some to everybody who asked for it, would I have it for forty years?"