it's jokes

It must have been a sad day when you slithered out of the abortion bucket.

People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.

1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.

2. We all give each other a hand when needed.

Last but not least, we play Twister.

My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.

Have you heard the latest pun about pizza?

Never mind. It’s too cheesy!

Why was the giraffe late to work?

Because it got caught in a giraffic jam.

I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!

Why did the elephant cross the road? It didn't see the cars.

I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.

My aunt's star sign was Cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...

She was eaten by a giant crab.

Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?

Because it was a misteak.

Do you want to hear a joke about the blunt pencil? Never mind, it's pointless.

VOTING SEMIFINAL 1

LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

DISLIKE: When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”.

Vote for the better joke.

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

Why can't gay people have hairlines? Because it's not straight.

I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.

Why can't an orphan have an iPhone?

It has a home button.

If you like this post, you will die!!!! Don’t do it 👿😅😎

Dark jokes are just like water.

Not everybody gets it.

Your mouth looks like it came from the commercials.

Have you ever heard of emo pizza?

It cuts itself!