it's jokes
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
"Can I tell you a paper joke?" I said, "But it is pretty terrible."
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What do you call a bitch?
You call it a female dog.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter; he's not coming.
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
Your mum is so fat Les Dawson would agree with me that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand, she throws it.
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK, he didn't either!
Did you hear about how that deaf man got a ticket?
It's ok, he didn't either!
Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs?
Where you left it.
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."
Q: What do you call it when four Mexicans drown in quicksand?
A: Cuatro Cinco.
What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?
We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.
An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand? It was two tired...
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
What did the clock say when it got punched at noon?
It’s twelve o'clock.