it's jokes
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
A man opened a snail farm.
He said that it is a slow-moving business.
Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.
What's long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cuCUMber.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"
How did the hipster drown? He ice-skated before it was cool.
Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.
Yo mama is so fat, it took Nationwide 15 years to get on her side.
When it comes to recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
Q: What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A: A pool table.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
Why was it cold in Stephen Hawking's house?
Because he had a new window open...
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.
But no one would do it.
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
I forgot my lucky egg! It always gives me an eggcellent amount of luck!