it's jokes
Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.
He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.
When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.
It happened too fast, he watched the very last.
Next he died, eaten all fried.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What happens when a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
I really hate waiting to die... It's taking a lifetime.
I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.
How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
Person 1: Hey, did you hear about the circus fire?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: It was in-tents.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
A man opened a snail farm.
He said that it is a slow-moving business.
Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.
What's long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cuCUMber.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.