it's jokes

Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."

Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."

59009 flip it backwards on your calculator... it = boobs!

Why does the sky think it's so powerful?

Because it's always looking down on us.

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

What did the sea say to the sea?

Nothing, it just waved.

The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...

The cat still died, why?

It had a Catastrophic Catcident.

Why didn't the chair cross the road? Because it was a chair.

I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.

Why is there bullying? They can handle it by themselves.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but it eventually came back to me.

Once we went to a light bulb party last night, YO it was freakin lit.

One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).

My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.

Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.

A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.

It was too irritating to listen to her and lend her my ear to talk to.

My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.

I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”

Charizarding.

When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"

I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well, it was more of a wrap.

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”