it's jokes

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"

A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.

A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.

What did the ocean say when it saw the beach? Nothing, it just waved.

It’s like going to the orphan and telling your mama jokes.

I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.

Two men walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would've seen it.

Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."

A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"

What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope? Stopping it with a shovel.

Why did Johnny cry?

He was molested by his sister. Johnny enjoyed it, though.

I'd tell a science joke, but I was like, "Nah, it would get no reaction."

I heard they're making a film about Jimmy Savile, it's a very touchy subject.

I heard the film about is so boring it puts you to sleep.

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

Salman Rushdie got a new book out.

It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."

Yo' mama so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.

Why was the dog staying in the shade?

Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!

I have the funniest joke ever, here it is...

Your face!

I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"

A cow was walking down the road, and it saw a beautiful cloud in the sky, so it said, "That is an a-moo-zing cloud!"