it's jokes
What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?
It's none of your business!
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy.
Why don't orphans do homework?
They don't have a home to do it in.
They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell, not heaven? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
At least when I fucked it.
Mom: Go water the plants.
Me: But it’s raining outside.
Mom: Go grab the umbrella.
Me: What???
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
GUY 1: How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
GUY 2: Depends on how hard you throw them.
Why do basketball players hate gravity?
Because it's always bringing them down.
Why did the Texas cow own its own dachshund?
The cowboy told it to "get along little doggie."
The Past, Present & Future walked into a bar.
It was tense!
Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?
Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"
Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?
Sorry, still working on it!