it's jokes
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF
Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It was on a roll.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!
Why does an orphan play soccer?
Because it's the only love they get.
My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
I once made a belt out of clocks.
It was a waist of time.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a boogie in it!
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.
Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!
Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!
Why did the bean play Fortnite?
Because it had a beantroller.
People say I should be proud of my autism, but truth be told, I'm only in it for the help in class.
My wife found a rock and asked if it was expensive, and I said it "leavarite". She said, "Is that expensive?" and I told her, "Leave it right there."
Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends?
Because it’s a fungi.
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.