it's jokes
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.
My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."
I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."
I just had sex...
I think I nailed it!
(Shit joke, I know.)
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
You know my first name, but don’t worry about it; you’ll only be screaming my first.
I made a song about a tortilla. Well, it's more of a wrap.
Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun, now it's an assault rifle.
Abortion isn't murder, it's more like backspacing a typo.
The couple next door made a porn film.
They don’t know it yet.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
I heard Pixar is releasing a new movie.
It’s called Finding Chemo.
Gas is expensive nowadays.
In the 1940s, they got it for free.
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
What do you call an Asian who gets a B?
It's not a B-sian.
Dead.
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?
What's an old Japanese man's last words?
"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"