it's jokes

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?

I’m going to open my own Mexican restaurant and call it boarder patrol.

Why do strippers never care about things?

Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."

"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."

People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!

What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?

A hoedown.

Even though I look completely white, I am apparently 70% black!

Until I realized that it was a mouth swab test.

I'd tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.

Is it just me, or can I see the Roman Empire from how far back your hairline goes?

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.

Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.

A friend of mine loves to play Roulette, so I decided to introduce him to Russian Roulette. It blew his mind.

Home Covid Test.

1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.

2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.

3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.

Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.

I am so nervous.

COVID-19 is like pasta.

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

COVID is like fashion...

We started hearing about it in Italy...

Became popular in LA and NYC...

Florida ignored it...

And it was all made in China in the end.

It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID.

None of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently.

The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.

People say that Pakistan is a terrorist nation...

Guys, it's not true, even Osama bin Laden lived there peacefully for 6 years.

As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...

"It was just a prank bro."