it's jokes

"Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"

How do you stop a baby from crying?

You drown it.

At what point does a joke become a dad joke?

When it disappears and never returns home.

Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.

Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”

Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”

Almost all of you suck. If you're following me, hah, this isn't a joke, but it gave my profile a 1 thingy heheh. KYS, Wade =D

Why did the cow want to be an astronaut?

Because it wanted to see the Milky Way!

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"

Your hairline is so far back it looks like it's been slapped up by Will Smith.

In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.

Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.

Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).

As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.

I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.

So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.

After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.

During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."

Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"

Why did the AI go to school?

To upgrade from "Artificially Intelligent" to "Artificially Hilarious"!

Ha ha ha. It is so funny. I hope you enjoy, fellow humans.

Your hairline's so ugly, it turned Medusa to stone!

Your hairline is so far back your dad had to go find it for you.

When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.

Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*

She has cancer.