it's jokes

Life

    • Me scrolling through jokes that sum up my life, starts crying.

    My friend: What’s wrong?

    Me: Nothing, it's just so funny. Lol😂🤣😂

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    • Dentist

    • Me: Are you okay?

    Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.

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    • Verdict

    • We the jury are yet to deliver our final verdict, but we would like to have a guess.

    Is it Mrs. Peacock with the candlestick in the library?

    Brother

    • Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

    Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

    Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

    Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

    Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

    Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

    Brother 2: You monster.

    Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

    Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

    Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

    Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

    Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

    Brother 1: Found them.

    *imaginary mother and brother fade away*

    Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

    Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

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    • Color

    • So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."

    Test

    • I was given my electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me 'cause I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up, too.

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    • China

    • Q: Why did China take over Tibet? A: Because they china exploit foreign resources and keep it for themselves like bitch ass jerks.

    Btw, these are real facts despite the CCP ́s propagandist narratives. #FreeTibet #FreeHongKong #FreeInnerMongolia #FreeUyghers

  • 1

    • Letter

    • After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...

    ...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:

    370HSSV 0773H

    All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.

    One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:

    "Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."

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    • Cheeseburger

    • I'm lonely, but all I have is my cheeseburger, but what is the matter of living if you only have one thing?

    But a cheeseburger is all you need 'cause it has 1,000,000,000,000 bucks man, so I can't just take it and spend it wherever I want.

    Baby

    • Mom: It's time for sleep.

    Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

    Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

    Baby: Nice try, hobo.

    Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

    *few hours later*

    Baby: *still awake*

    Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

    Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

  • 1

    • Butcher

    • First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"

    HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"

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