it's jokes

When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”

When the school shooter drops his gun, and the autistic kid picks it up thinking it’s his long lost nerf gun.

I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? 327.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

I have it.

Perfect dinner joke.

Did you hear about the new movie, "Constipated?"

It hasn’t come out yet.

(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!

I have two things I wanna say:

1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.

2. wtf

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

What is wrong with having chocolate for dessert? It tastes like shit, and I hate it.

What is big, black, and hairy? It's a gorilla with a machine gun.

Have you seen the new movie Constipation?

You haven't?

That's because it hasn't come out yet.

Gwen sassy: Hi here, my credit card. Don't get it wet, it is too much!

Unknown: Okay!

Gwen sassy: Man, I am late, can you move along! Much!

Unknown whispering: Sexy!

Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.

I've got something better for all of you. I may not have found it, but Google "hottest sexiest women ever." Then you'll want them!

What did Michael Jackson say to the kid sitting on his lap?

"Just beat it."

Why did the koala fall off the tree? Because it was dead, DUHHHHHHHHHHH!

Who thinks people should stop doing orphan jokes? Type here so we can talk about it.

There is only one reason why I find women useful.

That is because they make sandwiches, but that is about it.