it's jokes
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
Slow and steady wins the race...
...but it will never fix your ugly face.
Me: Hey, are you going to Sawcon?
Sensei: What is that?
Me: Saw con deez nu...
Sensei: Oh, is it for people with ligma?
Me: What’s ligm...
Sensei: 😈
Me: no no no no
Sensei: Ligma ba...
I bought an orphan kid an iPhone.
Guess what? It had no home button.
Ever heard of account stealing?
Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
Because it’s pointless!
I just watched a documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam show I ever saw!
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it!
How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?
Tentacles!
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Dad: "Honey, I'll be right back. I need to get some papers."
Me: "Okay." *Falls asleep.*
*Wakes up in an adoption center.*
Damn, it was those kind of papers.
Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?
Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
I tried to make a pun about cheese, but I couldn't think of any good "whey" to do it.
Why was the cheese always so confident? Because it had such a "gouda" self-image.
Why did the cheese blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the cheese fail the test? It couldn't make the grade, curd.
Why did the cheese go to therapy? Because it had too many emotional holes.