it's jokes
"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
Why is suicide illegal?
Because it destroys government property.
A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"
Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"
What stresses a baby strawberry out?
When its mom is in a jam.
When does a computer function best? When it listens to its motherboard.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.
What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
Why do Chinese people like playing Among Us?
It’s the only place they can vote!
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.
Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
It was because of a face-off in the corner.
Someone on here said it previously:
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is until my mom took the urn away from me.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter; it ain’t coming to you.
How do Americans learn the metric system?
9mm at a time. The problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.
Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.