IT jokes

I wrote a joke on MH370... but I don’t know where it went.

When you are eating delicious street food in China and you ask the chef: You: "Is this chicken?" Chef: "No, its meow meow."

A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."

The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)

"Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way."

"Dr. Squatch will heal the itch, and know it goes away, hey!"

A man and a child walk into a forest.

The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."

The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."

What do you call it when an orphan takes a picture?

A family portrait/A selfie.

Your daddy's so fat, he tripped over a rock. He thought it was a chip.

How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

Bully 1 to Bully 2: You're ugly.

Bully 2: Look in a mirror.

Bully 1: Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will work for everyone else.

Deku: Hey Todoroki, are you done with your Halloween costume?

Todoroki: Yes. *comes out in a macaroni outfit*

Deku: Wha- I'm todoroni.

Bakugo: OMFG, I'm out! *blows up UA*

Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I wish my grass was emo, it would cut itself.

When does a Pentagon have 4 sides? When it's intercepted by a plane.

"Love is a good thing, never be embarrassed by it."

Have you heard the 9/11 joke yet?... It was pretty fire.

Tired of having to cut your grass? Dye it blue, and it will die itself.