IT jokes
Me: *gets down on one knee*
Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!
Me: *falls over*
Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.
Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
Why did the orphan become a criminal? It wants to be wanted.
Why is the Titanic good at baseball? Because it sinks it.
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
It's ALWAYS like this
Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would just crash and burn.
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends?
Because it’s a fungi.
How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not 27, because my basement is still dark.
Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".
I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.
What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)
My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?
When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.
If a deaf person is at court, then is it still called a hearing?
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
Why was the math book so sad? Because it was filled with problems.
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"