IT jokes

I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.

Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.

Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.

How can a prostitute make more money than a drug dealer?

She can clean her crack and sell it again.

The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.

Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...

Is it okay to call a special ed kid late to class a little tardy?

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.

Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.

Chuck Norris once took down a fence. Maybe you heard of it, the Berlin Wall.

Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.

What is it called when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.

I'm starting a clown shoe store.

It's no small feat! :oD

Why does a heterosexual man believe that if a heterosexual man gets his dick sucked by another heterosexual man it's called a "brojob"?

Because it's male bonding.

Why wasn’t the moon hungry?

Because it was full!

A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.

A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.

The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”

If you own a gun and you live in the USA, hide your gun upstairs. Biden can't get it.

Biden: *falls over on steps*

A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?

Why is the leaning tower of pizza leaning? 'Cuz it had better reflexes than the twin towers.

I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.