IT jokes
Your hairline goes so far back, the dinosaurs saw it before you did.
Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)
It's not rape if she doesn't say no.
Two options: - Chloroform. - Duct Tape.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
James: I have a joke. Sex!
Ronny: I don't get it.
James: Exactly.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
Your forehead is so big and shiny it looks like a solar field.
So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
when is it normal to freeze before being raped?
when a policeman rapes you.
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
Did you hear the scores of the African basketball game?
It was Eight-Nothing.
When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?
When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.