IT jokes

How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?

None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.

Why are washers better than babies?

Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.

Why was the orphan single? Because it could not call someone "daddy".

Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.

Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and get over it.

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.

I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.

Guy: Do you know how to draw women's rights?

Girl: No, how?

Guy: All you need is a blank paper, and that's it.

I hate the term feminazi. It is offensive to real Nazis.

At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.

Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.

Guy: I don't, I see your mom.

I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.

Atoms never touch, so it means, we haven't touched each other or anything. So, sir, I did not drop-kick that child.

How do you fit 4 gay dudes on a stool?

Flip it upside down.

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?

It's called "One More Thyme."

Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."

Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.