IT jokes

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”

The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”

Famous last words.

Twin towers: “Is it a bird, is it Superman? AAAAAHHHHHH SHHHHHIIIIIIIIIZZ!”

It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.

I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.

You wanna hear a joke? It's YOU.

I had a joke about pizza, it's just too cheesy.

I love your mom and dad's joke! They made it together and called it your name.

Want to hear a joke? I swear it isn't about my life again.

My mom and dad made a joke together and called it "yeetsu" (me)!

My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.

How many times do you tickle an octopus to make it laugh?

Ten-tickles.

Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?

That's okay. There is really no point to it.

Why is the tire so tired?

Because it is tired out.

"Confucius say: Man go asy, full retard. It's an art, a weapon, and a lifestyle. Once you go full retard, there is no going back."

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."

I wish my lawn was emo, so I would not have to cut it, it would cut itself.

What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?

Showing them the ropes.

Why should you never give Elsa a balloon?

'Cause she will let it go.

You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?

One stops sucking when you smack it.

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.