IT jokes
Why'd the snake cross the road? It was in the chicken's butt.
How many shades of gray does it take to make a dirty movie?
50.
People joke about 9/11, but it's not funny. My dad died in 9/11. Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
How many babies does it take to paint a room red?
Depends how hard you throw 'em.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.
Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
After sleeping with her boyfriend for the first time, the lead singer of Blackbriar told her friend all about it: "Ik zora cock!"
How do you eat a meat?
You steak it in your mouth.
666 + 420 + 911 + 21 = ?
Do it in calculator.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
What is it called if your mom does not make it to your birth?...
An abortion.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Without other people's dicks in it.
This is my fidget spinner, I got it in my Easter basket.
I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!
Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face...
The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.
Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
Broccoli is like anal sex.
If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Do you want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tear-able.