IT jokes
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
And microtransaction.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.
Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.
My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.
Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?
Because it’s the only way they’ll ever get love.
How do you make a snooker table laugh? Tickle its balls!
The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.
I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"
Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?
It was only 3/5 full.
Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?
He was told to high-jack it.
What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?
A doppelgangbang.
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
An ugly, poor teenage girl found a genie lamp in her backyard. The genie said, "I will grant you 3 wishes, but under 1 condition."
"What is it?" she asked.
"After I grant your final wish, you have to have sex with me," the genie replied.
"Okay, for my 1st wish, I wish to be the prettiest girl at my school," the genie snapped his fingers and made her pretty.
"For my 2nd wish, I wish for my family to be rich," the genie snapped his fingers and told her her family is now the richest in town.
"And your final wish?" the genie asked.
"I wish I had a sabertoothed vagina."