IT jokes

I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!

Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!

I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!

A joker gives Batman a coupon for new parents. It's expired.

Me: Want to play 911?

My little brother: What's that?

Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

If 7, 8, 9, why was 10 afraid?

It was between 9/11.

You know that the F in orphan may stand for family, but it actually stands for "fuck family."

Violence isn't the answer. It's the question, and the answer is yes.

Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password. Me: I don't have a password. So you *won't* have a d*ck after I tear it off you.

I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.

I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.

You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"

A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"

I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.

Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*

Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.

Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?

Why could not the 11 year old watch the pirate movie?

because it was rated RRRRGGGG.

I am guessing you don't understand :(

Life is like a penis. Other people make it hard.

What’s an orphan’s favorite cereal?

Because it’s the only magical string in his life.

What makes a raccoon 🦝 very rich?

Its rings!

Me being raped is like my birth certificate; it doesn't expire.

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.