IT jokes

You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby, you gave it carpet burn.

Why do people call priests "Father"?

Because it’s too suspicious to call them "Daddy."

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Suck its cock.

Did anyone get my joke? It probably flew over your heads, oops I meant through.

I don't struggle with depression. Like at this point I got it down. I'm good at depression.

Little Johnny was late to school one day, and Miss Brown asks, "Johnny, how come you're late to class?" And Johnny says, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and started fucking the white cow." Miss Brown said, "Johnny, don't use that word. Next time you want to say that, use the word 'surprised'."

The next day Johnny was late again, and Miss Brown said, "Johnny, why are you late?" And Johnny replied, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and 'surprised' the white cow." Miss Brown said, "That's much better, Johnny." And Johnny said, "Yeah, walked straight passed it and started fucking the black one."

You know why Hitler wouldn’t drink whisky? Because it made him angry.

I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably crash and burn.

If 6 guys are in a room with each other, is it technically a 6-pack?

I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.

How many emos does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they just sit there and cry in the dark.

Fred says, "Have you heard the rumor about butter?"

Bob says, "Umm no."

Fred then says, "Ah, okay then I won't spread it."

I hate salmonella.

It is such a pain in the butt.

I was given an invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue, I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney.

That's why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY!

How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?

I don't know, I can never see them.

My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].

Me: So tell me about it then.

My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.

Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?

My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.

Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.

My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.

Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.

My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.

Me: My bad again. Do continue.

My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.

Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?

My cousin: By the game.

Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]

I ear ass your dad's ass and he likes it.

Join my beta communication community committee commission Cumbria, please guys and girls and gurls. It's all inclusive b&b.

How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?

They spray paint it like candy 🍬.

Hello, anybody, I've just shot somebody. I did it on purpose.