today I told my Sis knock knock and she said who’s there and I said I Eat eat my mop and she said I eat mop poo instead of who
Instead of the line 'This girls on fire', my friend can relate to 'The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the fuck out'
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said "It's something that daddy calls mommy" The little girl yells to her brother "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Stephen Hawkins death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
Why isn’t the word orphan spelled with a f instead of ph because that f stands for family and the word orphan doesn’t have a family
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
You are so fat that the waiter said to you everytime: 'sorry for your weight' instead of 'sorry for the wait'
Yo momma so stupid...weather man says it chilli outside....instead of a jacket..She gets a bowl and spoon!!!
When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com
The greatest Doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack, and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grab one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are to young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
one day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy then they heard a sound from the bushes, instead of looking down they both ran.
two years later they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial they asked him if he has ever been caught he said "No but a couple was walking as soon as i killed a girl i jumped into a bush they didnt know i was there but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down then he and his girlfriend ran."
What do you call it when you choose Panera bread over something else Panera instead
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
The next time I knock on your door I'll hit you instead of the door
Bro the US keeps bullying the UK because the queen died and do you know the meme "No Bi***es?" Yeah, they put "No Queen" instead. And guess what? The UK replied this time said, "No Towers?" I was shocked. UK's most devious lick.
The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake but his subjects showed up at his castle with a christian instead. And he said: NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?" The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
