A guy was in one of the twin towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza but he didn't get it he got plane instead
A man was mowing his lawn when blue and reg stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.
bin laden promised 76 virgins to al-queda
instead there was one 76 year year old virgin
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them
How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick? when there is blood coming out of dick instead of sperm
what does the trump adminstration use instead of emails? alternative fax
When Michael Jackson died people melted him down into lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.
Those poor kids at Sandy Hook, all they wanted was books. Instead, they got magazines
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push
Quote for the day
I looked this quot up but It really is a good thing just for starters.
“Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY”
Also loving is so much more to give instead! Always remember to love!!! Best-Gwen
:)
don't break someones heart because they only have one, instead break there bones... they have 206.
Instead of the line 'This girls on fire', my friend can relate to 'The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the fuck out'
The twin towers ordered a sesame bagel, they got the plane one instead.
I went to school with a gay guy who was really smart, but he always got mad that he got straight A's instead of getting all the D's
today I told my Sis knock knock and she said who’s there and I said I Eat eat my mop and she said I eat mop poo instead of who
My ex boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
Stephen Hawkins death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
Why isn’t the word orphan spelled with a f instead of ph because that f stands for family and the word orphan doesn’t have a family
