INS jokes

Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his house?

He was snowed in.

A fact! I think I'm officially a poo-buster, as the plunger does look like the weapon in "Ghostbusters"!

Have you ever stepped foot in Stephen Hawking's house? 'Cause he hasn't either.

What do you call a baby in an elevator?

Lubrication.

Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!

Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.

A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.

What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?

He's got some "sweet" moves!

In Antarctica, there are ice dicks for ladies to hop onto.

Little do they know I've been waiting for this moment.

After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"

Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"

Why can't Jordan moan?

Because his parents are in the room next to him. Asleep.

I like my woman like I like my wine, 12 years old and locked in the basement.

I'm looking for women. Put your height, weight, and bra size in the comments.

Nolan is a mole, who lives in a hole, and then had intercourse with a troll.

Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.

One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"

The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"

I have to call Bovfa. What's Bovfa? Bovfa deez nuts fit in your mouth.

All doggies go to heaven - or so I've been told.

They run and play along the streets of Gold.

Why is heaven such a doggie-delight...

Why, because there's not a single cat in sight.

"Emmy and Thomas sitting in a tree."

Why are the 9/11 survivors the fastest readers in the world?

Because they went down 109 stories in 10 seconds.

What is the similarity between women and freezers?

We like to put our meat in them.

If humanity were to nominate the gayest country in the world, it would be Tel Aviv, honestly.