INS jokes
I was looking forward to some toast...
So I took the toaster in the bath with me.
What do you call Adolf Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.
Have you ever thought about the fact that every market in Africa is a black market?
What's the definition of rude?
Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the car.
What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common?
A life expectancy of 15-25 days.
Chuck Norris gets paid $2 million a month training Bear Grylls how to survive in the “harshest conditions on earth.”
What do shemales and barns have in common?
Cocks.
Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
I fell in love with my computer because it helps me Excel.
What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”
I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
What do Hitler and Trump have in common? They both do hand gestures.
Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."
And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.
What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?
They're both inside jobs.
