INS jokes
Why was the rapper always on time?
Because they had a PHAT BEAT to keep them in check!
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
She said she was hungry. So I fucked her in the ass and gave her a chili dog.
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.
#1 BEST ALPHA MALE PICKUP LINE
I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.
It was a touching story.
Why don’t orphans live in villages?
Because they will get abandoned.
Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.
Why is there no phone in China?
Too many wings, too many wongs; might wing wrong number.
I'm 14. I have had sex before. I have 206 bones in my body, but when I'm with my gf, I have 207.
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
666 + 420 + 911 + 21 = ?
Do it in calculator.
During a phone call:
"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"
"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."
Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.
What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?
Answer: Hot wheels...
The witch doctor came in my mouth last week. First hot meal I’ve had in weeks.
I put the sexy in dyslexia.
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
If I were in a staring contest with you, I would be looking at a rainbow.