INS jokes
How many fat people are in my house?
20, counting the kids in the basement.
People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.
In a white van.
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
I lost all faith in humanity. I am moving to Uranus; it's really big. I might get lost.
So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.
One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"
He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.
Yo mama so fat, she fell in love with a skinny dude and tried to hug him but crushed him.
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
There were 20 people in a box. There was not mushroom.
Me: Hey Joe, updog.
Joe: What?
Me: Updog.
Joe: What's updog?
*Facepalms*
Me: Lol in the corner.
Why don't you fart in an Apple Store?
Because they don't have any Windows.
I submitted 10 puns to see if they'd make this list.
But no pun in ten did.
I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
My dad called me as I said I shit in my sister's mouth. Impossible? Nope.