INS jokes
What is the biggest candy in the world?
Candy Borobudur.
Who's the cutest president in the world?
Kim Jong Un, chh💕💕💕
"MERCURY INSURANCE, come to our office in Mercury."
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
Why do nuns go around in pairs?
So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!
What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?
$2 billion and high cholesterol.
When you're going to Titanic: It's the best ship in the world.
When you know it's sinking: It's the poor ship!
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
Q. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? A. Same middle name! 😂
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.
Stephen Hawking walked in a bar...
Just kidding.
Why isn't there much honey in Brazil?
Because there's only one B in Brazil.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.
Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?
While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.
So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:
Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?
Student: PIGS!
Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?
Student: SHEEP!
Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.
Student: IK where that comes from!
A FAT COW! 😂😂
Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."
Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
Why did the golfer change his pants? In case he got a hole in one!